I woke up this morning and it hit me really hard. It's weird to think that 1 week ago I was waking up with a bunch of my friends nearby. Clueless that things were this bad. I just want things to be back to the way they were before.
I hate having to hide what I'm feeling but I also hate having to ask for help. Somebody please. Things are getting bad.
I've sort of recently fallen into this state of depression and I don't know who I can turn to.
I returned from LA a couple days ago and just no longer know what to do with myself. This isn't as a result of me having to say goodbye to all of the friends that I made and met while I was up there at vidcon.
I know that for sure.
No, I haven't even been able to think of that at all. My mind is way too compartmentalized and I can only deal with one problem (pain) at a time.
My best friend wants nothing to do with me any more and I have only the slightest idea why.
She won't even talk to me. She's blocked me and avoided me the last couple days I had in LA.
I've broken down, cried and feel all around vulnerable at the moment.
I'm never hungry anymore, I find myself breathing heavily (loss of breath/forgetting to breath) and I honestly just feel so ill.
I don't even wanna leave me house, far less see my irl friends anymore. Anxiety everywhere.
This needs to be resolved. To think one person has so much control over me it really scares me. I thought I knew who I was but nothing makes sense anymore. I've never felt this way before.
I could go on for hours on here but I feel as though it'd get too pitiful and I hate posts like this so that's it. I really hope things get better soon or I don't know what'll happen.
Here's a vlog I just did. It's not really too related but yea. Lovin' that awkward ass thumbnail.
~Seebs
p.s with regards to another person completely - What would be the best way for me to send you your $80? You probably won't see this but if you do please let me know. Also I miss you too.
Sorry, I've been so distant with you this week, I've been some what busy I suppose... I fell asleep last night.
Tonight I don't have much to say aside from the fact that tomorrow, I have to take my grad photos at school... Should be fun I hope.
Going to my friend's 19th birthday tomorrow night as well and then spending the weekend down the island (out at sea with more friends)
Today was an okay day in which I posted 2 videos...
One for my main channel:
Which just so happens to be the video that I filmed this past Saturday for my communications class. Turns out that it came out good enough for my main channel :') YAY.
I'm strongly considering to start introducing occasional skits to my youtube channel from now on. Exciting stuff, right!? Right.
Second video [ side channel vlog ] :
YEP, nothing really to say about it.
I am tired though.
I need my beauty sleep ;D
I originally hadn't intended to blog tonight but didn't want to miss two days in a row.
I waited this late because I just spent the last 25minutes out lining a video that I shall be filming for my main channel tomorrow after school :)
I'm going to try to this blog post in less than 4 minutes and 20 seconds. Because that's how long the song I'm currently playing is... Marijuana - KiD CuDi
Today was nice. You've probably grown tired of my weakass adjectives but I use them for days that are average XD Days like today.
Today was Valentine's Day. Not much to say about that. Alex was valentine. She's my favourite and makes me want to go back to Florida lots :'(
Krav was intense. Leg in pain from intense training in which we had to make our opponents tap out. Good stuff xD
Not much else today really. I'm rather tired as it's now 11:06PM. I have to stay in school until 2PM tomorrow and 3PM on Wednesday... DEFINITELY NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT X___X
I'll probably just end up planning out main channel videos as I want them to be more frequent and want to take the necessary steps so that I have no excuse.
Lastly, here's some Valentine's Day Poetry for you to enjoy. by yours truely ;D
